Life is just a series of waves. Some crashing into the shore line, others rolling peacefully on to the sand and slipping away. They happen simultaneously as different parts of our life carry on in different story lines as they erode time.
I find myself in the different waves of motherhood as my relationship with my daughter becomes more distant while my new relationship with my son comes to the forefront of my mind, body and spirit. My daughter is confident in this transition so I have done something right, and I see the fruits of attachment parenting in her younger years become apparent as she grows and matures. It helps that she has another parent to attach to as well. My husband, the best father they could ever ask for, was waiting for her with open arms as he embraces the roll of number one parent. They are finding a new bond of which they have never had up till now. One with daddy daughter days and secrets from mommy. I revel in its beauty as I watch it unfold. These are the moments I want to cherish. And I know the pendulum will swing my way again when my son isn’t as attached.
As he thrives in the baby wearing, cluster feeding newborn stage I know he deserves my undivided attention right now, just as she did in this age of the fourth trimester. I gave that time to her and I strive to give the same to him despite the fact that there are two now.
She embraces the roll of big sister and requests that he be placed next to her whenever possible. Her favorite time is when he’s awake, and she loves his smile, especially when it’s in reaction to her. She loves him deeply and sincerely. I am so thankful for that. We still give her the time of story books before bed and I do my best to have empty open arms whenever I greet her.
She’s asked to nurse once. She only weaned about 7 months ago. I’m actually surprised that didn’t happen sooner. She said she was “just kidding” and didn’t put up any fuss about it. I see it as a request to be close to me. Of which I have granted by way of cuddling and giving lots of kisses.
We all get scared right before this transition happens and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed a few tears right before I had him. Tears of excitement. Tears of joy. And tears of sorrow for the loss of what my daughter and I once had. I guess I’m still mourning that loss and I know she is as well. Though we both carry it lightly for such a profound loss. But with that loss comes a birth of something new. A new relationship for both of us to cherish and care for. A new relationship with each other and a new relationship with our new addition to the family.
I couldn’t love or admire her more as I watch her blossom into this roll as my oldest child, big sister and almost four year old. I know she will always protect him and be his teacher as he embarks on this great big world. I know she takes this role very seriously and will put all she has into it without me or her father ever asking her to do so. Her new role as oldest child is striking on her as she wears this badge proudly. She is always eager to be my helper for anything I need. She has gained independence in tasks for which she previously needed help. And she is learning to play independently a little more each day.
This little girl of mine is astonishing and I’m blown away by her growth and her love for her family and her life each and every day. I’m so thankful that we’re able to give this to her. And I’m so thankful that I was chosen to share it with her.